Hey, welcome to yet another rant! YEY!
Most of you probably aren’t aware of the Logomisia (dislike of certain words) I suffer from… it’s a legit thing – read a book or google that shit up. And I seem to be hit with it most when I’m reading through food magazines and things. THE SQUICK IS SO REAL. My husband thinks it’s hilarious and “weird” because he’s never heard of it. I’m sure most people who share my word-and-sound-aversiony ways cop this kind of bullshit day in and out. YAY?
Anyway, if you’re squeamish about certain words (MOIST!!! YUCK!!!) as I am, you might want to tread carefully after the cut…
I need the following words to completely disappear from English and in particular, around food…
- MOIST – I don’t think this one needs explaining to anyone. Can’t we all just agree to say SQUIDGY instead?
- DRIZZLE – Ughhh… just UUUUURRRRGGGGHHHHH! This one really gives me the heebs. And everything is called a “blah-blah drizzle” or something is drizzled with something else. FUCKING STOP IT AND DO IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT. Fucking dollop and thwack it on there. Drizzling is tenth-arseing it if you ask me (i.e. so much less than half-arseing) when it comes to food and it’s also something to do with the weather (acceptable), not food (very much negatory on the okay).
- CRUNCH/MUNCH – I’m okay with most onomatopoeia but this one just grates my ear nerves something chronic! Please shut the fuck up about it okay? GAWD! AND DO NOT DARE DO IT ANYWHERE NEAR MY EARS PLEASE. I might be forced to hurt you.
- ARTESAN/ARTESINAL – do fuck off already, wankers. Always goes hand in hand with “local craft beers”. EVEN FUCKING WORSE. Quietly go away and fuck yourself (and your crap beard) with a chainsaw.
- ANCIENT GRAINS – so, you mean the ones that have been around for absolute fucking yonks but until some white dickweed noticed them and started marketing them to the great white plebeian masses like it was a BRAND NEW THING that everyone started losing their shit over? Yeah, those. Don’t believe the hype, y’all. Also, ageist!
- SUPER FOOD(S) – Nope, no, nuh-uh. I’m calling bullshit on this and so should you. Another fabulous marketing ploy. Nice try, liars.
- FLAVOURFUL – this word is just plain AWFUL. VERY MUCH NO!
- CREAMY – there’s something about the ‘-eemy’ ending that makes me want to run for the hills and kick boxes of baby otters (I would never!). I felt a little bit sick even typing it. It’s staring back at me on the screen and I feel a little violated. *panics*
- FRESH – GAG!!! I particularly hate TV ads that have very very white women almost *whispering* it. And then they add words like “fish” or “fruit” or the dreaded “c-word” (directly above) after it and the internal screaming begins in earnest…
- SPARKLING – it’s fucking fizzy water/booze for fuck sakes. It is not “sparkling water/wine”, it’s not made of glitter or precious gems or metals so calm the fuck down with that nonsense! Better yet, STOP it altogether!!!
- MEAL – something about it gives me rage. ALL OF IT. The way people say it, I think. MEE-YUHL. Meeeeeeyuuuuuhhhhllllll. YUCK YUCK OH GOD NO STOP PLEASE!!!!
- YUMMY! – Ohhhh… ohhhh nooooo. Don’t ever. Not ever. Just don’t. Unless you’re under the age of five, refrain from busting out this infantile word when describing food. FOREVER NOPE.
- NUTRITIOUS – This is always always ALWAYS used in conjunction with “delicious”. The alliteration is so very vile to my ears. *vomit*
- COOK/COOKING – the double “k” sound just makes me all kinds of cringey and ill.
- SOUP – I’ll eat the fuck out of it but I’ll do my damnedest to avoid actually saying it.
I can’t continue. I have to take another shower because I feel a bit sick now. I don’t know why I decided to torture myself this way.
Anyway, logomisia is a thing. Don’t fuck around with people that have it and don’t shove words in their faces that you know gives them a reaction. It’s not cool.
Toodle pip.
In Sickness,
MsN.
RantyPants! 