CHAPTER TWO
Months had passed and it was another day spent in the studio. As Jiyong waited for everyone to get their act together in the recording booths, his mind wandered as it tended to do when he was waiting. It always took a torturous turn but he went with it, if that’s what his fate was to be now.
Seunghyun’s quiet plea from the first night they kissed was forever emblazoned across Jiyong’s heart and memory: “Please don’t forget tonight”. It replayed in his mind like a sacred, and ultimately torturous, mantra. It seemed that Seunghyun was the one who had forgotten his own words and Jiyong was now something to play with when his inhibitions were at their lowest.
They’d shared a handful of drunk and stoned kisses since that night and it was all Jiyong could think about. Seunghyun merely brushed it off as a thing that they sometimes did, but dammit if Jiyong didn’t want more of it without the haze of drugs or alcohol clouding the moment. The first time was just over a year ago (yes, he remembered the date) but Seunghyun had made his position on the matter more than clear the last time, so Ji didn’t pursue it.
The last time they were together (kiss number six, and yes, he was counting) was the one that burned brightest in his memory. They were out celebrating Seunghyun’s birthday at a nightclub in Kangnam and it was the last time he’d had any kind of intimate contact with him. Seunghyun decided to make his position abundantly clear and Jiyong had no choice but to respect it.
For the supposed good of the group and to the detriment of his own heart and mind, he would walk away from what he wanted the most…
*
Seunghyun’s birthday
Jiyong turned up to the club an hour after the others. By the time he’d arrived and been escorted to their private function room, everyone was getting into the full swing of things. Seungri was lining up shots along the bar and badgering his hyungs and any of the guests in close vicinity to partake with him.
Jiyong felt a presence behind him; arms hooked in around his waist, a gentle lingering kiss at his nape made him close his eyes and smile. Seunghyun. Jiyong spun to face him with Seunghyun’s arms still around him as he smiled up at the birthday boy.
Seunghyun smiled at his leader, “You made it.”
“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away. Not that they’d dare try,” Jiyong replied an easy smile spreading across his face. Seunghyun’s smiled widely down at Jiyong, a small groan caught in his throat that he tried to pass of as a cough. Jiyong cast his eyes down as he bit his bottom lip, god Seunghyun could be an insufferable dork sometimes. He was also unbelievably adorable.
“You look beautiful tonight, dear leader,” Seunghyun husked low against Jiyong’s ear, warm breath fanning down his neck as he took the opportunity to catch the younger mans earlobe between his teeth. Jiyong quickly pulled away and swatted his arm playfully to conceal the electric jolt is sent directly to his groin and the shiver skimming across the surface of his skin.
“Hyung! People will see!”
Seunghyun looked around and shrugged.
“So what if they do? They might actually learn something,” he teased. Jiyong’s pulse quickened at the lascivious grin Seunghyun directed at him. Fucker always knew how to get under Jiyong’s skin, not like he wasn’t already.
Jiyong laughed and pushed him away before moving back in and getting inappropriately close.
“Alright, birthday boy. Slow your roll. We’ve got all night and you will be made to pay for your transgressions.” Jiyong’s voice was low and steady, his eyes focussed on Seunghyun’s lips as he spoke, moving his head as if he were about to kiss him in the bar with everyone watching. Jiyong was close enough to Seunghyun that all he would have had to do was pucker his lips and there would be contact.
Jiyong turned and walked away leaving Seunghyun to his own devices. He cast a glance over his shoulder as he made his way to the bar. Seunghyun was left standing, mouth slightly agape before someone was in front of him again wishing him a happy birthday and the spell was broken. Jiyong made his way over to Seungri, who latched on to his leader for dear life almost choking him in his unbridled excitement. They downed a few shots together and toasted Seunghyun from afar.
As the night wore on and guests departed, leaving only the hardiest of partygoers in their stead and as more drinks were imbibed, Daesung and Youngbae decided that the maknae needed a ride home. The copious shots were starting to make their presence known and he was getting beyond messy. They bid their farewells to Seunghyun and Jiyong who were merrily kicking on. Jiyong asked that they text when they got Seungri home, just to be sure they were all home safe.
After the others left, Seunghyun sat back on the leather couch arms spread across the back and to Jiyong he was every inch the earthly embodiment of Eros. Jiyong was utterly transfixed by his devastating beauty, he was fucking magnificent and the bastard knew exactly how to get Jiyong lit up like the surface of the sun. Seunghyun arched an eyebrow and flashed a deliciously feline smirk at him, his dark eyes glittering in the dim light. Within seconds, Ji was straddling his lap, kissing him roughly, fingers tangled in his hair and grinding against him like they were the only two people in the place. He no longer fucking cared.
Seunghyun held him by the waist and rolled his hips up against the man in his lap making Jiyong groan into his mouth. If they weren’t careful, things were going to escalate and then everyone would really have something to talk about. Jiyong reluctantly broke the kiss and ordered that Seunghyun follow him in a few minutes time. He sauntered to one of the private booths at the back of the club, Seunghyun’s eyes on him the entire time.
Seunghyun stalked after Jiyong after what he considered to be a reasonable amount of time. Jiyong pulled him into a heated kiss as the red velvet curtain closed behind him. Jiyong pushed him back onto the chaise lounge and straddling him, he kissed Seunghyun hard grinding against him for all he was worth. He couldn’t help himself. The alcohol burning in his system made him bolder than he normally would have been and given they’d been in this situation before; Seunghyun wasn’t about to stop him and kissed him back with equal fervour.
Seunghyun flipped them so he was on top of Jiyong, pinning him down on the chaise lounge with his hips, he continued kissing Jiyong tongue exploring the hot warm cavern of his mouth. Jiyong groaned as Seunghyun’s heady scent clouded his senses, the friction from the thrust and grind of his hips making him incoherent, his lips pulling him further down into insanity, hands under his shirt setting his skin alight. Jiyong’s desire for Seunghyun began overtaking his reason and he needed more, so much more than whatever this was.
“Hyung…?” he began through laboured breaths. Seunghyun busied himself planting delicate kisses along his jaw and down his throat and it was starting to unravel him. A muffled “Mmmph” was all he got in response as Seunghyun continued to work his burning flesh, setting his pulse racing as the sensations incapacitated Jiyong’s ability to finish his initial thought. Jiyong resurfaced from his lust-induced haze and forced Seunghyun back again needing to be sure he had his attention.
“Hyung. I need you,” a broken plea more than a statement. Seunghyun didn’t answer or respond but continued nipping at the delicate skin along Jiyong’s throat, hands still working under his shirt skating across the hard flesh of his stomach, fingers tracing small delicate patterns as he went.
Jiyong cupped Seunghyun’s face and drew him back up to his eye level. “Did you hear me, Seunghyun?” Seunghyun blinked at him, oblivious to what Jiyong was demanding of him.
“Hear what, my prince?” Seunghyun’s dark eyes, as soft and unfocussed as they were, bored into him and Jiyong wanted nothing more than to melt back into his embrace; simply kiss him until he couldn’t feel his lips anymore. But he needed him to know. Eight months of this was becoming too much to deal with on his own.
“Seunghyun,” he whispered low as he closed his eyes, “I need you. Do you understand? I can’t bear this anymore. I can’t. Just being with you like this isn’t enough. I need you, Seunghyun.” Jiyong was baring his soul and Seunghyun just blinked at him, seemingly unable to comprehend what Jiyong was asking of him.
Seunghyun pulled back, extricating himself from Jiyong’s embrace. Jiyong felt exposed and raw at the sudden loss of physical contact. Seunghyun stood up and paced the small room. He stopped by the thick curtain and looked at Jiyong, confusion furrowing his brow. With that, he turned on his heel and walked out without another word.
Jiyong ran his hands through his hair and curled in on himself; shell-shocked that Seunghyun had just walked out on him without a word in response. He didn’t know what to expect when he’d decided to tell Seunghyun how he felt, but it certainly wasn’t this… silence and abandonment. Jiyong’s heart shattered into a million pieces, each jagged little sliver tearing at his insides. He was too numb from the shock of Seunghyun’s sudden disappearing act to cry, to be angry, to feel anything but raw disbelief.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he checked it absentmindedly. It was Daesung confirming they’d gotten home and Seungri was OK. Sure. Okay. Good.
He needed to be far away from the calamitous noise that he hadn’t noticed earlier, everything was too loud. The incessant hammering of his aching heart against his ribcage sent adrenaline coursing through his veins like wildfire. Jiyong needed air; it was suddenly too close in this place, too crushing against the burning in his lungs, each breath laboured as he made his way out into the night.
Jiyong made his exit and into a cab home. Jiyong couldn’t face the dorms, not tonight, not if Seunghyun was going to be there. He handed over a stash of bills to the driver not really paying attention to the amount, nor did he care, he was still bewildered at what had transpired. He made his way inside and slammed the door behind him. He made his way to the bathroom by rote, no thought needed about the route he was taking, as the sound of his heart thundered in his ears in the pre-dawn silence of his apartment.
Jiyong undressed his mind not on the task at hand as he dropped his clothes uncermoniously onto the bathroom floor. He turned on the shower and lay curled in the fetal position, the water washing over him as his hot, blinding tears fell unbidden onto the wet tiles at the cold realisation that Seunghyun wouldn’t love him. His stomach purged the remaining alcohol from his system and he watched as it was washed down the drain. He silently prayed for the water to wash away the all encompassing pain that insisted on settling itself into his bones and around his heart like a poisonous barbed veil.
*
“Hyoooonnggg!”
The drawn out whine broke his reverie and he swallowed the hot lump in his throat at the memory of Seunghyun’s rejection. The hurt flared and blazed in his chest anew threatening to immolate him from the inside out. Jiyong – the modern day Sita. He let the thought disintegrate as Seungri’s refrain assaulted his ears once again.
“Jiyong-ah! Can we go now?” Seungri whined poking his arm. “I’m going to pass out if we don’t go and eat. Come oooooon, let’s go Jiyoooong! The hyungs are waiting.” They were done for the day, he got through it like he always did. Work until he’s too burnt out to feel anything but exhaustion. Today was no different.
Jiyong smiled at Seungri, “Okay! Okay! Fine, let’s go. Couldn’t have that on my conscience now could I? Poor starving maknae,” he pouted as he poked at Seungri’s cheeks playfully before they made their way out of the studio and into the van. It had been a long day, a lot had been accomplished and he was fairly ravenous himself. He squeezed himself past the others and plonked himself in the back of the van, much like he always did these days. He couldn’t look Seunghyun in the eye, the memory was still too raw. It had brought everything flooding back to the surface, the raging torrent threatening to overwhelm his heart.
They found a quiet place to eat, joking about the day’s events and what was next on the agenda while they ate. After dinner and a couple of beers, Jiyong excused himself claiming that he had a headache. He’d head back to his apartment for the night and he’d come back over to the dorms tomorrow. He left some notes on the table before leaving.
He just needed tonight alone to regain his composure.
Tomorrow was always going to be better.
RantyPants! 