Twitter Fights (woo!)

So, while I was off in Japan having a lovely old time of it and checking in on Twitter back at the hotel (free wifi – so all the social media happened after being out all day or for brief stop overs before heading out again), I saw a news article RT’d about the rate of women who change their name after marriage with a comment stating that it was simply down to “internal misogyny”.

Ummm… I’m sorry but what did you just say?

As a married adult woman, I CHOSE to take on my husband’s surname (at least socially, if not legally, but that’s a different story) for my own reasons. It’s not a sign that he has “ownership” of me, which as we know, is an historical reason for name changes after marriage. Some of my reasons for choosing to change my name include that I don’t have any connection to my family or the surname bestowed upon me at my birth and I preferred his. My surname had always been a burden to me because everyone always mispronounced it even though it’s not THAT difficult, amongst other reasons that I don’t really want to go into here. Besides, now I have a cool spy-sounding name and what’s not to love about that? So I responded as much thinking (stupidly) that it might open the door for discussion or conversation on the topic.

But, no. I was clearly very wrong in having an opinion opposing those of the original tweeter. I was asked: “Why is it always women making these excuses?” I said, “It’s not an excuse because x, y and z.” I was then told: “It’s an excuse. Own it.” Wow, girl no. No, you did not just try to tell me that my rational adult decision was an ‘excuse’ and that I’m suffering from undiagnosed internal misogyny! So, I responded again saying as much. There’s more to the story than that. You’re being very dismissive to suggest that my reasons are such. I had kept it civil to this point – subduing the internal cauldron of rage firing up inside my chest – by stating that we’d just have to agree to disagree and let the subject rest. But, oh no. It continued on.

A further response was about ‘reasons being rationalised emotionally’ or some such bullshit (and I am paraphrasing a little here). Translation: I AM RIGHT ABOUT YOUR LIFE CHOICES AND MIND AND YOU ARE NOT. Well, that was when I decided that this person could get well and truly fucked.

Just because you’re a bogan loud mouth from the northern suburbs of Melbourne who had a crowd-funded pagan love-fest in a park (which, I might add, my email was bombarded with for WEEKS prior literally BEGGING for people to buy posters with a bunch of so-called motivational WORDS on them to fund said “NO GOD, NO GOVERNMENT” anti-wedding wedding wank) who used to be a journalist and wrote some child rearing and hetero-romance books doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to my opinion about things I do or have done in my own life.

I am just as much entitled to an opposing point of view as you are and as much as the next person is. There were some interesting sub-tweets the next morning of people RTing my responses and adding: God forbid should a woman know her own mind, have her own goals and life path! Someone actually fired back at the original tweeter something along the lines of: “Even when the person provides their reasoning, you’re so intent on your “internalised misogyny” agenda that you dismiss them outright.”

It continued on and on for the next few days but I’d well and truly had enough of the spiralling wank storm that I blocked her on Twitter and unsubscribed from anything to do with her altogether. I had said my piece and I didn’t feel the need for it to keep going. Gaia knows that my inbox could have used the break from the constant barrage of LOVE FEST emails. Someone else on Twitter later starting weighing in about Muslim women and their autonomy and what colour Muslims are anyway (YOU WOT???) and so on and on it went. Not sure how that was relevant to the original topic, but sure. Talk about a fucking pile on.

I’d just wanted a sensible discussion with the person about why not everyone is suffering from internalised misogyny because they change their name after marriage. I talked about a male friend who took his wife’s surname after marriage and was told “it’s not even a statistical blip on the radar!” So, that should just be outright ignored and not celebrated in the least should it? Do fuck off, mate.

Now, a couple of years ago, I’d attended one of her writing “master classes” after being recommended to go by a friend. I wrote less than I ever did before afterwards. I also didn’t change a whit of how I do things because heaven’s forfend should I choose how to do my stuff and when. I quite like my unscheduled way of doing things. It works for me. The only thing I keep to a schedule on is my actual day-to-day job. Writing, the thing I sometimes do as a hobby, you know – for fun! – has never and will never work for me with rules and strictures placed on it. Never has, never will. I learned nowt from what I already knew.

For a while I felt like an utter failure after that day. I don’t think that’s what it should be about. It didn’t work for me but it worked for some others and bully for them. It just wasn’t for me. So, I lied and told everyone it was great because why be the one dissenting voice amongst the hundreds singing its praises? Stupid.

In closing: Everybody’s got opinions and you’re not always going to agree with them but it doesn’t have to descend into a shit fight every time either. I realised later that I was trolled and she was just spoiling for a fight, which I walked right into by wanting to have an adult conversation. A little bit of back and forth is expected but not just a childish SHUT UP BECAUSE I AM RIGHT invective. Some people truly believe their opinions are the only ones that matter and that it’s everyone else who is deluded. Take a look in the mirror. I hope you see your own delusions and contradictions staring back at you, larger than life and bigger than your already over inflated ego.

Twat.

DISCUSSION: What are your thoughts on the topic of name change (or not) post nuptials (gay/straight/other)? Male and/or female. Big deal? No brainer? Who cares? Archaic? Down for it?